Interview with Balto, Aaron Lazar's New Dog

It's not easy living in the shadow of your owner's previous dog, especially if said dog has passed away. Here to tell us about it is Balto, Aaron Lazar's new dog. Aaron has written several novels about a dude who solves mysteries. They're published by Twilight Times Books, which happens to be one of my mom's publishers. He keeps a blog, too. My mom once reviewed one of his books, Tremolo. I hate to admit this, but Balto is as harmless as he looks in that photo. Either that, or he's giving hell of a performance.

Bio: BALTO is a half King Charles Cavalier Spaniel and half poodle, sometimes known as a “Cavipoo.” His fur is soft as a bunny rabbit’s and it curls into little ringlets. He is known for his skills as a therapy dog, has expressive big brown eyes, and can often be found on Aaron and Dale’s laps. He sleeps with them every night, and has given them an enormous amount of comfort since the passing of their dog, Max, in 2007.

Welcome to my blog, Balto. Tell us about your human dad, mystery author Aaron Lazar. What kind of person is he?

Aaron is a bit obsessed with his writing. Every morning, he wakes me up when it’s still dark out. After he lets me out on the run, he stokes up the woodstove and we both sit on the comfy couch under a thick blanket. That laptop is a touchy subject, though, because every time I try to put my paw on it, he stops me. Sometimes he lets me lay my head on the corner, though. It’s warm. These morning writing sessions are one of my favorite times of the day. Just me and him. Cozy and snuggling. If it weren’t for the incessant tapping of the keyboard, it would be perfect.

I agree that tapping can be very annoying at times, especially when I'm trying to sleep.What type of books does Aaron write?

He calls them mysteries, but they’re really more like life in the country with a bunch of bad guys who keep getting in the way. I recognize lots of our life in there, from the kids, to the gardens, big country feasts, walks in the woods, and more.

Of all his books, which one is your favorite? Why?

I’m only two, am I’m struggling to fill the paws of my predecessor, Max. Aaron tells me he loves me every day, he fusses over me, lets me sleep with him and the missus, and takes real good care of me. But I still feel like I’m in the shadow of Max every day. The missus still has Max’s old collar hung on her bedpost, and his picture is the one on the wall. He’s featured in all of Aaron’s books, and wow, does Aaron glamorize him. Max even saves Gus LeGarde’s life in Double Forté. Even though I’m a teensy bit jealous of Max, I think that book is my favorite.

Hmm. Balto, this blog is supposed to be funny, yet here you are, making me cry (I must keep my macho reputation, so please make an effort, man). Er, okay (blinking away any sign of tears), does Aaron fall asleep when he reads a book? Does he snore? What titles keep him awake the longest?

Always, especially when we’re in bed. We get all settled, with me in the crook of his legs. It’s nice and warm there, especially with the down comforter to snuggle into. He props up his pillows, puts on the light and his reading glasses, opens the book, and within a few minutes, I am jolted awake by this horrible thunderous roar that shakes the walls. Then I go over and curl up with the missus.

Okay... Does he snack compulsively while he writes? Sometimes I have to block the entrance to the kitchen to prevent my author mom from snacking so much. Of course, then she calls ME overweight.

Aaron LOVES to eat, and always says, “Don’t feed the dog! It’s not good for his heart!” But he always sneaks me a little something in spite of his high falootin’ ideas. For some reason it’s always healthy stuff, like green beans and Brussel sprouts. Once in a while I get a juicy morsel of swordfish, and that’s the best. My favorite is string cheese, but I can only get that from the missus. She’s a real pushover.

Woof! Woof! I won't even bother to shift my bottom for healthy stuff like that!

Interview with Willow the Dandie

Woof! Woof! I'm so happy to introduce my first guest!

His name is Willow aka Wollington P DeWinters McGillicuddy Dinmont and he is a rare and costly Dandie Dinmont Terrier from the UK (talk about fancy! but you know those Brits). His owner, author Lucy Coats, writes childrens’ books when she is not taking him for walks and pandering to his every whim (lucky dog!).

Willow is mustard coloured and likes to bully people and bark a lot all on one gruff note. He is very manly and good-looking (his words, not mine!), having a dashing permanent wave, bottlebrush tail and bootbutton eyes. Some ignoramuses say he looks like a Highland Cow with the legs cut off, but this is Not True. He claims there are only 454 dinmonts in the whole world, so obviously he is Very Important (okay, at this point I'm wondering whether his author mom is as modest as him.)

Willow does not like being washed or groomed. He prefers the tousled look. Forget this at your peril. His teeth are in good order and designed to hang on till Death. For film/casting applications and further interviews, apply to his agent/owner at http://www.lucycoats.com.

Okay, Willow, spill the beans. Describe Lucy Coats as a writer and as a pet owner. No sugar coating here. Give us the real deal. This blog is only read by pets, so don’t worry, Lucy won’t find out what you say. In the event that you find yourself into trouble, I can always offer protection. I have a good connection at the CIA.

(Putting on my disguise of dark glasses here). Okey-dokey. Maybe the CIA can talk to Her Majesty’s Secret Service. Gonna need them when I’m done here. So. Known her since I was born (she delivered me, and I used to snuggle along in her bra when she took my real mom for walks). Yes. I was that small. Wanna make something of it? She’s always been pretty good to me, feeds me the best raw mince with my biscuit, gives me treats last thing at night. She even brought in a nice labrador girl for me to boss around—one who can wash all the bits I can’t reach if ya see what I mean.

Writing? Oh, that tappy tappy stuff she does. Yeah. Yawn. Children’s books, it’s called. But it pays the bills and I guess she’s pretty good at it because the postman (woof woof woof) is always bringing big boxes of stuff with funny letters on it. Heard her say that her Greek Myth book has been translated into six or seven languages. I dunno. She has trouble with Dog sometimes, so I don’t see how that works. ‘S all Greek to me. Ha ha.

Then sometimes people turn up at the door and she sits for hours while they ask questions about how she gets her ideas and boring stuff. Yadayadayada. They always pat me and say how handsome and rare I am, so that’s ok. Mostly I just sleep and hope they notice that I have my best side to them. What I don’t like is when she goes away to do writingy stuff. I get lonely. She’s going to some school in Switzerland to talk to kids next week. Remind me to ignore her for a few days when she gets back. That’ll teach her.

Good idea, Willow. Don't ever let her take you for granted. So tell us, what do you do for amusement while she pounds at the computer all day and ignores you?

Well, a dinmont needs his beauty sleep, so I do a bit of that on the big tartan dogbed in the kitchen. Then I might take a wander outside into the garden. There’s really good stuff to sniff, and I like to terrorise the rabid rabbits who live under the hazel tree. I’m a little stiff in the legs now (not that age has anything to do with it, how dare you), so I can’t run about like I used to and keep the young ones in order. So I sit on the stone step and bark instructions to my friend the lab, and her friends the retriever and the yorkie on how to ruin the plants and pee in the best places. Of course, I’m the boss, so if they find a bone or a really juicy smelly something yummy, I take it away from them and eat it or roll in it. No. Of course that’s not stealing. Why would you think so? The continual barking seems to annoy my mom. At least, she shouts a lot about needing peace and quiet. Dinmonts don’t do peace and quiet. Not until they are taken for a walk. Bark Bark Bark. Works every time. And it’s really fun. At least I think so.

I like to stare at my mom while she writes to make her aware that she’s ignoring me and make her feel guilty. What do you do to annoy Lucy while she writes?

Apart from the barking, you mean? Well, I find that chewing a plastic flowerpot or a log works really well if you put a bit of tooth into it. Crunch crunch grind crack. Drives her INSANE! Then there’s the…do I have to be polite here? I do? OK then, (whispers) the W-I-N-D. I have a series of great moves here. The pop-pop. The whistle. The silent and deadly. You should see her jump up and down and wave her hands and open all the windows and snarl at me. She does a good snarl—makes me love her even more. What I don’t understand is the idea of it being ‘disgusting’. Eau de Dinmont Intestine—what more could any human want? Labrador Girl loves it. I, of course, look innocent. Me? It was the other dog that did it.

I'm glad you're using all those strategies to make Lucy pay for ignoring you. Be careful not to overdo it, though. That stuff--er, yeah, the 'wind'--can kill newbies who aren't used to it. I try to control myself when we have visitors. But anyway, does your author mom have a website or blog? Tell us about it!

Blimey! Don’t want much do you? My paws are cramping right up here. The website. Now let me get this right. It’s at http://www.lucycoats.com and it has all sorts of great stuff on it for kids, or so she says. Books and all that, but also an interactive map thingy and puzzles and masks to color and all that. No pictures of me, which is a Bad Mistake, but for some reason I don’t feature in any of her work. Yet.

As for blogging, she tells me she just started doing that at http://www.scribblecitycentral.blogspot.com I have been mentioned—she gave me the pseudonym of The Dastardly Dinmont. How cool is that? If I play it right and look even cuter than I already do, she might even do one of those posty things all about me. Actually, if she doesn’t, I’ll bite her.

Thanks for sharing that, Willow. Leave us with some British words of wisdom, will you? What advice would you give to those pets that have to live with irrational, egotistical authors? (believe me, the world is full of them!)

Cut them down to size, show them who’s REALLY boss. An example here. We’ve had snow in England lately—deep snow. I’m short. Walking in deep snow is hard when you’re that close to the ground. My manly parts were acting like a snow plow, and it was Not Pleasant (not to say frrrrreeezing cold). A little whimpering here, a little play with the big black eyes there, and she was mine. “Poor little Dinmont, here, let me break a trail for you!” So there she was, in her moon boots, dragging one foot sideways to make a path for ME. Ha! She looked like something from ‘Frankenstein’s Monster’! Show me an irrationality or egotism that doesn’t break before the Power of Pathetic. And I INVENTED pathetic, I OWN it. Thank you for your applause. I deserved it. I am the King of Dinmonts. Watch and learn. And Goodnight.

(clapping) You've got to like this guy. That's pretty wise, Willow. Thanks! Woof! Come back anytime.