Interview with Ted, Carol A. Guy's Cat

My guest today is one very conceited cat, Ted. This feline dud lives with author Carol A. Guy, a cat lover who's written several novels in the paranormal, mystery, romance, and true crime genres. He also shares his home with several other cats... and one canine he keeps abusing!

Gives us the inside scoop, Ted. Are you the boss of Carol?

Are you joking? I had her from minute one.. See, when I was younger, I was a "guest" of the Madison County, Ohio, Animal Shelter. Well, one Saturday, they caged me and some others up (a humiliating experience I hope never to repeat) and transported us to a pet store in Hilliard, Ohio. My future mommy and a tall dude, who I later learned was her son who was just visiting, came in that afternoon to "view" us for possible "adoption." I could tell at first glance she'd be an easy mark. She had that hungry look in her eye. She needed a companion. She came to my cage (awful word) first and lifted me out. Of course I put on a good show--I purred, I nuzzled, I did the slow blink with my big green eyes, and I licked her hand. Then, to my horror, she put me back in that awful contraption and started to walk away...to look at other, less worthy felines. No way! I pulled out all the stops and went for my sure-fire ploy. I stuck one of my front legs out of the cage opening and tapped her on the shoulder with my sweet little paw (claws retracted, of course) and gave her my most pitiful meow. She turned, took one more look at me and I could see that I'd scored a direct hit. I went home with her and the tall dude that day. Mission accomplished!

That's quite impressive, Ted! Good work! Tell us a bit about your mom as an author. What type of books does Carol write?

My human mommy writes what are called Paranormal Mystery/Romances. She's also written cozy mysteries and a true crime book. The paranormal is called Spirit Lake, Books 1&2 and was just released by Devine Destinies. I heard mommy say it has gotten good reviews. It's about ghosts and murder.That sounds a little scary to me. I think it has a wolf-dog in it, too. Unfortunately there's no cat. I punish her for this oversight by constantly knocking her pens from her desk onto the floor and scooting them underneath peices of furniture so she can't find them. Sometimes I drop them down the grates in the floor where the warm air comes out in the winter. I've also collected various pieces of her jewelry that she's carelessly left lying about, and relocated them to more obscure places. She'll learn.

Ghosts and murder, huh? If I were you, I wouldn't trust her one bit--even though she looks quite harmless. So, what do you do for amusement while Carol pounds at the computer all day and ignores you?

Well, you see, a couple of years ago we moved from Hilliard, Ohio to Dayton, Ohio and now live with my mommy's daughter, Sarah, and her offspring, Paul (he's five). This move, unfortunately, gave me "siblings" since Sarah and Paul have two felines and a.....canine. So, this opened up an opportunity for me to have "playmates." Yeah. We play all right. The older feline, named, Oliver, is a little cranky bites sometimes. He's always trying to sneak out of the house (I do too, but that's because he set a bad example.) The other feline, Tiger, spends a lot of time outside. For some reason, no one seems to mind if he goes out. They're no fun. But the canine....oh yeah. There's the one I can get running in circles anytime I want. Her name is Maddie. And she's soooo easy to torment. I especially like to get her barking, then wander away so she gets yelled at. She likes to follow me around, so when she does that, I squeal like I'm hurt and everyone comes running and there she stands with a guilty look on her face. I just lie there looking pitiful and she gets yealled at again. Of course, mommy gets extra mad when these things happen because it "breaks her concentration" while she writing and boy does she hate that! Maddie then gets put outside and I have peace and quiet, at last!

Shame on you for tormenting Maddie! (I'll have to get in touch with her and give her some self-defense tips) Does Carol let you sit on her lap while working at the computer?

Sometimes she'll take me up on her lap when she's taking a break. You see, I LOVE her padded, swivel desk chair. So whenever she gets up to do something else, I hurry in the office and curl up on the seat. If she's out of the office long enough, I fall asleep, but mostly she's not gone that long, so I just pretend to be snoozing when she returns, in hopes she'll let me stay. Most of the time she doesn't though, because she has what she calles a "writing schedule." But, I can always tell when she's finished writing for the day, and then the coast is clear and I make a beeline in there and take a real nap in her chair.

I'd love to sit on my mom's lap, but I'd probably squash her (soffocate her is more like it). What is the best part of having an author as a mom? The worse part?

The best part of having an author for a mommy is that she's home all day. So, she was around the other day when I got outside and got on the roof and then on top of the chimney and almost had a "bad incident." It wasn't my fault. It was all Oliver's doing. He got up on the roof first by jumping on the ouside garage window sill, then onto this lean-to that's attached to the side of the house. He coaxed me to follow. Then I saw a bird flying from the chimney top to the big tree next to the house and....well, I just had to follow so I made my way up the sloping roof of the house. Everyone was upset. Especially mommy. But, she got hold of herself and talked me down, so I wasn't scared at all. Well maybe just a little. It was awfully high.... When I finally jumped into her arms she was so glad I was all right that she just made over me like crazy. Oliver, who was still on the lean-to roof got ignored. Ha .Ha.

The worst part of having an author for a mommy is all the time she spends NOT paying attention to me. That's just not right. So, I'll just have to think of other things to do that will bring her attention back to where it belongs.... me!

Why did you have to wander on the roof? (Cats are always sticking their noses where they don't belong! I bet Maddie has more sense! But of course, she's a canine, isn't she????) Well, Ted, what can I say? Thanks for being my guest, though I didn't appreciate all your anti-canine innuendos.