Saturday, February 28, 2009

Interview with Osiris, Bev Walton Porter's Masterful Cat

With a name like that, a cat is destined to have delusions of greatness, so I don't blame him (I'm feeling cat friendly today, plus I don't want to scare away future feline guests--a smart business move for my blog). His author mom, Bev Walton Porter, is a multigenre author, writing coach, and Editor-in-Chief of Scribe & Quill Ezine.

She keeps two blogs: Elemental Musings and Elemental Muse. She had doubts about Osiris being my guest, but she didn't have any choice. As you will see, Osiris OWNS her. Oh yes, he so does...

Bio: As a lonely black cat cast aside into the lonely and cruel night, Osiris was rescued from a busy Colorado Springs, CO street at ten o’clock at night in June 2002 by his Lady Author, Bev Walton-Porter. Dirty, fatigued and unsure he was going to make it through the night, his Lady fed and watered him, cleaned him up, stroked his fur gently and stayed up all night with him to be sure he’d make it through till morn. Now, seven years later, he’s fat, happy, sassy and shining inside and out with optimum health.

The truth, Osiris. Are you the boss of Bev Walton-Porter?

Of course! I’m a cat! I’m Lord and Master of ALL I survey! Silly human. *tsk tsk*! You know, she thinks differently, but what she doesn’t know won’t hurt her. I’ve got her wrapped around my furry little paw, and she loves it! *maniacal meow*

What type of books does your human mom write?

She has a split writing personality, really. The woman can’t decide if she wants to stick with nonfiction or fiction. Most of the time she plays it safe (or so I think) with nonfiction (Sun Signs for Writers and The Complete Writer: A Guide To Tapping Your Full Potential), but every now and then she lets her fiction goddess out to play. I like her best when she writes those hot love scenes in her romance books (Mending Fences and Hidden Fire). She writes those under a pen name (and her birth name) Star Ferris. She gets these mischievous, naughty looks on her face when she writes those “heaving bosom”-type of books!

How long does she work each day on a book and ignores you?

Is there a number THAT big? Just kidding. Seriously, she’s pretty chill about that type of thing. She usually lets me sit on the desk next to her while she’s typing away. When she’s puzzling over something or simply musing (daydreaming/brainstorming), she reaches over the scratches me behind the ears (LOVE IT!) or gives me a kitty back/shoulder massage (LOVE IT EVEN MORE!)

What do you do for amusement while Bev pounds at the computer all day? It must be bad for your self esteem to be ignored like that.

I terrorize the oldest cat, Kiki, who’s turning 18 on March 16th. When I get finished with that, I chase Isis (the other black cat) and bat her around a bit. Next, if I’m still bored and not gettin’ any lovin’, I chew on some of the many plants in our household (there’s about twenty, none of them poisonous). If she still doesn’t take a break and acknowledge me, I sit in the middle of the hallway and let out a painful, heartbreaking meow accented by hooded eyelids and a downtrodden gaze. I’m quite good at it if I must say so myself. When she turns around to finally look at me (after about 50 yowls), I throw her my “poor me!” gaze and swish my tail. Usually works!

I like to stare at my mom while she writes to make her feel guilty. What do you do to annoy Bev? Give my pet readers some evil ideas.

Sometimes, when I get incredibly impatient, I nudge my way in front of her – nose first – and plop down between her and the keyboard. That’s my way of saying, “Hey, can I get some attention here?” after she’s ignored me for far too long. This move generally gives her the vapors and causes her to grouse quite a bit. After all, I’m a 17-lb cat, so when I plop down between her and the computer keyboard, I usually get half of my hefty, sexy cat body on part of her keyboard, which sometimes accidentally erases her carefully crafted words, sentences and paragraphs or adds to them with assorted nonsensical characters and marks. This, of course, makes my Lady Author very cross, and she usually scootches my behind off the desk and keyboard with a cacophony of curse words and bothering sighs. I take it all in stride because I know I “let” her push me off, but I WILL be back again. Oh yes I will *insert nefarious, shifty-eyed glance at audience*

Again, I own her. OH YES I DO! =^-^=

(psychotic laugh) HA, HA, HA, HA, HA.....! Keep up the good work, Osiris!


  1. Amigo

    You dog! Where do you find these pesky pets to interview? Fascinating stuff. Keep up the good work, I'm sure there is a rawhide bone in it for you.


  2. Love the idea of of the animal interview side of things.

  3. Osiris, are you giving our Tiger some naughty tips? He loves to camp out by my laptop and then swat at my fingers as I type.

    I think you should write your own book one day.


  4. My dog, Rascal, has decided to sit and stare at me while I'm at the computer. Then she comes closer and starts whining. Then closer and nudges me elbow. If I continue typing, she nudges harder and I can't type. These pets do want their attention.

    Morgan Mandel

  5. Fantastic interview...seems like the cat does have her master wrapped....well done!

    Donna McDine

  6. Takes an old dog to write a great interview, Mayra - and yours has aced it here!! That cat Osiris is a terror!! I can't even pronounce his name?? And I thought I was a bad dude.

    (Margot Finke's premo feline. I'm sneaking e-mail access while Margot has a quick snack: she'll never lose weight doing that!!)

    Watch for IT. . .
    "Ruthie and the Hippo's Fat Behind"
    is . . . . C-O-M-I-N-G!

  7. Love this angle - and what is it about black kitties? They are so ornery and demanding!

    L. Diane Wolfe

  8. Osiris, you should get some catnip for your pains.

  9. Woof! Thank you all for stopping by! You're a friendly bunch of pets. Remember we must stick together if we're going to takeover the humans.


  10. I love this creative way of introducing "secrets" about an author--through their pets/best friends! Fantastic. I can't wait to read more.

    -Lisa L. Leibow